Well, not that I got any help from YOU people (WHADDAYA MEAN, YOU PEOPLE!?!?!), but I wrote back to that entrprising young mister, Steven S. Seeersucker. And I told him I means business! Afterall, we cant just walk out into the streets and high-five the poor. I need to know that Stevie Seersucks is cut from the Shortsweather brand jean. (They've got pockets, they;ve got zippies--who wouldn't want to try one? ON! You're pre-appraived, too--just $5.55 for the first leg, and $555 for all legs after that! That means, if you want to but forty thousand legs, it's still just $560.55!!!)
AN-HE-WAY!
Hear's my daring, brash, professiorial reply to Senator Stevedore.
"To: Steven "Steve" Seersucker
From: Ronaldovitch Javidovitch Shortweather
Dear Ms. Seersucker,
Thank you very much for applying to the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences at Shortsweather Universitum. I regret to conform you that we are unable to offer your admission. As you no, the very high number of (extra)ordinary canidates among our XXXX (check ref...) applicants far succeeds the number of opportunities we have to offer, and we are not able to admit many excellent candidates.
That's the kind of letter you probably didn't want to read today!!! But don't worry--because let me cut you a straight deal. I like you. I like the way you think. I like the way you drink. I even like it the way I don't hate you, not even a little bit, not at all. So when it came time to reject you from grad school, I got real, real sad.
AND REAL, REAL DRUNK! (AM I RITE, AMIGO!?! No money down! One time offer! 444.4% APR due at signing! Tell those Japs to get off my lawn!)
But then it hit me like a tonabrix! I DON'T RUN A GRAD SCHOOL.
YET!!!!!!!!!!
Stevie, you're the man for the J. O. B. if you know what I mean. Why can I offard to just go out into the street, handing out exciting opportunities as if they were pancakes or cakepans?
It's all part of the secret Shortsweather Family Recipe. Just add one part vision, two parts buckle-down, three fifths compromise, and four part harmony and you are in the money-makin' business, my boy! FUCK THE POLICE!
In conclusion, I can't wait to build this university with you. I will be President (of course...) and you will be the dean. Let's start signing a syllabus into law IMMEDIATELY. WE CANNOT REST UNTIL THIS IMPORTABT WORK IS DOME!
It's times like this when you really find out who your parents were,
Ron Shortsweather, Esq.
President/CEO, Shortsweather Untied
President/CBGB, Shortsweather-Seersucker Universitum"
Oman! I'd hope to be him right now! It'sll be like Christnas Morning when he opens he's email today! I'M THE SANTA CLAUS OF THE INTRANETS! I'M GIVING OUT PRESENTS TO ALL THE GOOD LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS!
You know it!,
Ronnie Ron-gun Shortsweather
Dictator-for-Life, Shortsweather Bar and Grille
Shortsweather, Longswanger
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment